“In disputes upon moral or scientific points, let your aim be to come at truth, not to conquer your opponent. So you never shall be at a loss in losing the argument, and gaining a new discovery.” – Arthur Martine, 1866 guide to the art of conversation
In this everyone-is-a-critic culture, Daniel Dennet asks, “Just how charitable are you supposed to be when criticizing the views of an opponent?”
He offers what he calls “the best antidote [for the] tendency to caricature one’s opponent”: a list of rules formulated decades ago by the legendary social psychologist and game theorist Anatol Rapoport, best-known for originating the famous tit-for-tat strategy of game theory. Dennett synthesizes the steps:
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You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.
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You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
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You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
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Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.
From the incomparable Brain Pickings
See also the superb: A Code of Conduct for Effective Rational Discussion